Friday, September 5, 2014
glimpse into an evening with a newborn (long run on paragraph)
Ok, so baby has been crying since 4 unless you hold him and hold the pacifier in his mouth since he can't seem to do it on his own. Husband comes home at 6:30 and you eat dinner in shifts so one of you can feed the baby and one of you can eat and then you switch. You think that eating will calm the baby but he obviously has different ideas and continues to cry so you burp him but he continues to cry so you change him but he continues to cry so you put him in the swing at medium-high speed and he quiets, calms, falls asleep! For twelve minutes. Then he starts to cry again. So you burp him again, thinking maybe there's still one in there and he lets out a belch that would make a grown man with a beer belly swigging Bud from a can blush and then he starts to cry (if he ever really stopped). So you lay him down and try holding the pacifier in his mouth like earlier, but he cries around the pacifier and doesn't ever close his mouth. By this time it's 8 and time for husband's fantasy football draft and you know you can't count on him for at least an hour maybe two, so you keep trying everything you can think of. Burp, change, pacifier, play time, swing, vibrating bouncy seat, pleading with baby to sleep. By this time you think, he's been awake too long. He's over tired and fighting it. But what can you do about that? So you hang on until draft is over even though you want to throw husband's laptop across the room because you know he enjoys this (the draft, not his wife pleading with the baby to sleep). Also you know that the second the draft is over you will hand him the baby and go take a bath. And when it finally ends this is exactly what you do. You even, feeling very magnanimous, make a bottle and warm it for husband to give to baby before you hotfoot it into the tub, the sounds of baby cries getting fainter with each door you close. You can't even hear it at all over the sound of the water! Twenty minutes (maybe forty) later, you emerge feeling refreshed and able to hold a fussy baby, but what's this? Husband backs quietly out of baby's room, a smug smile on his face, and silently shuts the baby's door. He's asleep. What the what? You don't even care. He's finally asleep.