34 weeks

At 34 weeks there are a few things I've learned about pregnancy that I wouldn't have really considered before.

1. Aside from having to pee every nine minutes you also feel as though you have to go every single time you stand up.  And also sometimes while you're still sitting.  And also when the baby bladder-punches you.  And also don't ever sneeze without crossing your legs.  Or laugh.
2. Five pounds doesn't seem like much if you're lifting weights, but when you lift that weight constantly with only your uterus, it is very heavy!
3. If I don't feel the baby move for an hour I freak out a little and push and prod him until he wakes up and kicks me until I stop.
4. The videos we watch in baby class are horrifying.
5. The videos we watch in baby class make me cry and I don't know if it's an emotional response to a baby coming into the world or a physical response to the horror I'll be going through soon.
6. Sometimes my belly looks like the scene from Alien when the monster starts to come out of the guy's belly (without the gore).
7. Getting out of bed is more difficult than I would have ever imagined.

These are but a few of my observations over the past few weeks...  I'm sure I could come up with more.

mothers and fathers

In 2013 I was informed via the many forums I frequented, titled Trying to Conceive After a Loss (TCAL) or Trying to Get Pregnant (TTGP) and various others, that Mother's Day was something that I should feel some certain way about.  Honestly, that year, despite the two miscarriages I'd already had, the day didn't bother me so much.  I wasn't a mother.  I wanted to be, but I wasn't yet.  I had a mother and a mother-in-law and the day was mostly about them.  So I didn't really understand what all the fuss was about, people warning us to avoid Facebook that day for all the Mother's Day posts and calling people out for being insensitive to those who've experienced losses.  I guess I could see where they were coming from, but for me it was just another day.

This year some might argue that I am already a mother, I just haven't met my baby yet.  I didn't expect anyone to make any big deal about Mother's Day for me, but Ed did leave me a rose from our rosebush outside
 and a note from Ted saying, "Happy Mother's Day!"  It was nice and not too much.  Just right, really.

For Father's Day this year, I wanted to acknowledge Eddie in some way.  I spent some time making a card with an original drawing.  I am not an artist in any way, shape or form, but I came up with (after 4 tries) what I thought was an acceptable drawing.  Of course, when I showed it to someone at work and said, "I'm not very good at drawing," the guy I was talking to said, "No, you're not."  But whatever.  I thought Ed would appreciate the effort and that I didn't just ask my coworker, Lauren (who is an amazing artist) to do it for me!

32 weeks and counting down

I have at most, eight weeks left!  (I say at most confidently, because my ob says that she doesn't let gestational diabetes patients go over 40 weeks).  I'm feeling pretty good except for some heartburn that feels like my stomach is trying to carve a hole in my chest and exit through my sternum.  I also have some sciatic nerve pain that makes walking a challenge (more so than usual - I'm kind of clutzy anway).  But I'm not going to go on about how good I feel because I'm afraid that will trigger an episode and I swear I am not going back to the hospital unless it's to remove this baby!  (By force, if necessary).  Ted's doing pretty well as far as I can tell.  At 28 weeks he was right on schedule size-wise, so I hope he's still growing properly.  He moves a lot.  In fact today I was thinking that he'd been kind of quiet (we were in church, so I guess he's practicing) until Chris the pastor yelled suddenly and Ted started flailing around like he was startled.  It was pretty funny, actually.

I have been spared (if you can use that word) a worry-free pregnancy by all that came before this pregnancy as well as hearing about the trials of friends' reproductive experiences.  I can say that I am less worried than I was in the first and second trimester, but it definitely hasn't gone away.  I also can't relax completely and be 100% thrilled for my friends and acquaintances announcing their pregnancies.  A friend recently announced they were expecting and I was so excited for them, but there's always a voice at the back of my mind going, "I hope everything goes well.  I hope they don't have any problems."  I wish that I could be worry-free about my and others' pregnancies, but that isn't my reality.  If I am blessed with a second (or fifth if you're counting) pregnancy after Teddy, I know I will fret much of the time, and I guess that will be ok.  It will have to be.