things I ponder/say through the course of my day

Is that a real cry or is he faking me out again?  It's midnight and if I make a bottle and he goes back to sleep, then I have to put it in the fridge and heat it up later, which is kind of a pain...

Please, please stop feeding your waffles to the animals.  The dog is allergic to everything and those waffles could cause her to chew her feet off.  Not to mention YOU won't be eating them which I do care about.

Crap! The hall door is open!  Which deathtrap room did he go into?

How much of that food is in your hair?

Are you dancing to the sound of the baby's cries?  Because there is no music...

Why does this stinking monitor say it's out of range when we're inSIDE the house?

Where did you get my phone?

I can't believe the amount of liquid that just came out of this baby.  I should have named him Vesuvius.  Nickname?

You're reading my Kindle upside down.  Also give me that.

Was that a fart or is there actually something in there?

I thought newborn poo wasn't supposed to smell as bad...

If I can tolerate the baby's "feed-me-instantly" cries for three more minutes I can get Teddy's lunch ready and put him in his high chair so he can feed the dog, while simultaneously making a bottle and then feed baby as well...

Is there someone I can hire to potty train my toddler?  This should be a service.

Do NOT whack the kitty on the head with my brush.

How can you tell if a cat has a concussion?

Can you give me a burp?  That was the wrong end.

Would it be wrong to tape the pacifier to the baby's face or maybe fashion something out of elastic?

These are but a few of the myriad of things that run through my head on any given day...

when do you feel like you're a parent?

I feel like I'm 16, getting my license, going out with my friends, having a little freedom.  I feel like I'm 18 starting college and living away from home for the first time.  I feel like I'm 22 and starting my first job.  I feel like I'm 24 and moving to Alaska where I know no one.  I feel like I'm 29 and getting married.  I don't feel like a parent.

To kids, parents are omniscient and almost God-like, unless they're telling you you can't drive to your friend's house in a snow storm.  They're the ones who take you to the doctor and make you eat your vegetables.  They come to your swim meets and soccer games.  They keep you clothed and fed and teach you good morals.

Now that's me.  I keep my kids clothed and fed.  Make sure he eats his vegetables (or drinks his formula, as is the case for the newborn).  I take them to the doctor and when they're old enough, I'll go to their soccer games and swim meets.  I take them to church and try to instill good morals.

But I still feel like me.  I don't feel like a parent.  I feel like I'm 16 or 18 or 24.  When do you start feeling like an adult?  When do you start feeling like a parent?  I worry.  Does that make me a parent?  I take them to the doctor when they're sick.  Does that make me a parent?  I hold them when they fall and hurt themselves or slam their fingers in a drawer.  Does that make me a parent?  I read stories to them and play with them.  Does that make me a parent?  Simply having kids doesn't make you a parent.

A home health nurse visited my house after my second was born.  She asked me, "How did you learn how to be a parent?"  I replied, "I just did it."  The baby came.  I had to be a parent.  The truth is, I am a parent.  Now I'm just waiting to feel like it.

soggy O's and sleepy babies

So far the major difference between Teddy's newbornhood and Oliver's newbornhood is that I haven't once googled, "newborn baby sleep too much."  I've simply decided to enjoy this period of time where the baby sleeps 22 out of 24 hours a day, because I know it won't last!  It seems like an auspicious start, as this is exactly how Teddy was and Teddy was and is an incredibly good sleeper.  The only difference is that Teddy was a very good eater and I have a hard time keeping Oliver awake long enough to finish his bottle.  One ounce every hour isn't going to cut it, bud.

I sit here typing while Oliver naps and Teddy eats Cheerios.  He asks for more, "choes" or "joes" even though he still has a handful left on the table.  He notices my camera cord and tries to pull it.  I say, "No, no," and his little face crumples and his mouth opens wide in despair, letting forth a cry muffled by at least thirty Cheerios.  There are so many Cheerios, soggy little O's start falling from his gaping maw.  It's very hard to keep my composure at this point.  I'm trying to stay stern while also trying not to bust a stitch laughing.

Earlier today I gave Oliver to Ed while I worked on adding him to my health insurance.  He proceeded to spew a mind-boggling amount of milk all over the place.  I think it was the sum total of all the milk he'd been fed in his life.

Our "system" that we've developed for night feedings has been working very well.  Last night we went to bed at 10:30.  I got up to feed Oliver at a little after 12, then Ed fed him at 3, and I fed him at 7. That was as much sleep as I got before Oliver was born.  I'm sure he's going to have some bad nights, but if the majority go like this, it will be great.

NICU

At 4:30 am on September 28th, the nurse came into my hospital room and told me they were going to take Oliver to the NICU.  Having learned my lesson with Teddy, I'd requested Ambien for my nights in the hospital and was completely befuddled as to why this nurse was waking me up and taking my baby.  It didn't really hit me until later that he was gone.

I was told a couple of times that if they could get his glucose up then he could come back down, but that turned out not to be the case.  I honestly had no idea that they would keep him for five days.  We went to visit him a lot while I was still in the hospital.  It was sad to see him all hooked up with wires and an IV.  I knew that when he got into the NICU his glucose was only 19; it was very serious.

After I was discharged I went each morning and night to spend time with him, but I really longed to be able to take him home and hold him without wires and tubes.  I didn't understand how it could take so long to wean him off the IV and get him down to regular formula.  I knew he was getting great care because the nurses couldn't get enough of him.  They don't often get near-term babies that are able to be held at any time.

Finally this morning we were able to take him home.  We went to pick him up and brought him back to meet big brother (who was more interested than I would have thought).  Teddy looked at him for at least two minutes before resuming play time!  Now the fun begins!

what do you mean you're turning it off?

At 7am on Sunday, September 27th I started having contractions.  As I'd had them for several hours for three consecutive days, I (incorrectly) assumed they'd just go away.  They did not.  By 11am I figured it was time to go to the hospital.

When I arrived at the hospital and they checked me out, I was only 2.5cm dilated, the same as Friday in the doctor's office.  Which couldn't be correct as I'd had contractions everyday and I paced around all morning trying to move this along (staying upright and walking helps labor progress).  The nurse told me that the doctor wanted me to walk for an hour and get checked again.  An HOUR?

Now at this point I should tell you, I was insanely nauseous with this labor.  With Teddy I threw up twice, but with Oliver I pretty much threw up after each contraction.  They told me I could walk anywhere on the first floor, but not to go outside as it scares people to see women in labor huffing around the parking lot.  So off I go walking in two hospital gowns, worn opposite (one front-ways and one backwards), contracting and puking in a small green bag every 2-4 minutes.  After the allotted time was up, I headed back to get checked and lo and behold I was at 4cm.

I was quickly shown up to labor and delivery, hooked up to my IV and got my epidural.  My mom and sister came in, however, before the epidural was administered, mid-contraction and pre-vomiting.  I'm pretty sure my sister wanted to leave and never come back and forget that she was 33 weeks pregnant herself.  The epidural was administered and my nausea and pain subsided.  All was well in my world.  Briefly.

They checked me again and found out I hadn't progressed any further.  The doctor started making noises about sending me home.  At 4:30pm they TURNED OFF MY EPIDURAL!  Once it wore off, I wanted to die.  The contractions were about a minute apart and insanely painful.  Nausea returned.  By 6:30 I begged the nurse to check me again to see if they could turn it back on.  5cm!  She turned it back on.  I wasn't going anywhere.

Finally, the epidural was working again, I was comfortable and my water broke on its own.  Just before 10:00 I started feeling a pain/pressure situation with every contraction and it was time.  I'll spare you the details of the rest.  Suffice to say it took about 40 minutes and even though this little 6 lb 14 oz booger should have come right out, he was face up and slightly stuck.  Teddy's 8 lb little self was way easier!

The labor was interesting and the fact that he had to go to the NICU was distressing, but I'll save all that for another post.

fall and fetuses

Eddie asked me if I wanted to go for a walk this evening.  While the weather this week has been gorgeous, I can't wait until the highs are in the low 70's and the mornings are crisp, the trees explode with fiery colors and it's comfortable to wear a hooded sweatshirt at night.  My answer, however, was no.  Not only can I not walk long distances, it's hard to simply walk through the house.  My hips hurt from pregnancy, which makes walking and standing difficult.  I arrived at BSF on Wednesday and my hips hurt from DRIVING, and I wondered if I'd even be able to walk across the parking lot.

As miserable as this pregnancy has been (think: nausea and vomiting for over 72 hours straight last week and not eating for same), I still think pregnancy is amazing.  I love feeling the baby move and seeing him on ultrasound.  But as amazing as it is, if I can't get cleared by the GI doc telling me that I won't vomit for an entire pregnancy again, then this might be it for us.  At the very least I'm not intending to have a baby next year!

Oliver will be here just in time for the sweet spot of fall.  Hooded sweatshirts and scarves.  Pumpkin spice lattes and jack o' lanterns.  Babies and toddlers, oh my.

Dear Baby

Dear Baby,

I am just writing to let you know a few things.  First things first.  Your brother (who will love you one day) and I have a routine.  We sleep all night, wake up refreshed and ready to start the day.  We play for a few hours and then he takes a nap.  I might also take a nap, but that's mostly because I'm 33 weeks pregnant and you're sucking out all of my energy.  Then we wake up and have lunch.  We play some more or possibly run some errands.  Then it's time for another nap, which I may or may not partake of.  Dinner time, possibly bath time (depending on the state of your brother's diaper covered area) and then bed.  It's a great routine.  It works.  Now, I know you won't be able to follow this schedule right away and that's not your fault.  It's ok.  We can work on it.  We have time.  I'm just giving you a heads up that this is what will be expected of you, eventually.

Next, you really do have some big shoes to fill.  Not literally because your brother's feet are pretty small.  However, aside from about 3-4 weeks of crying in the evenings, your brother was/is a pretty happy baby.  He slept through the night around 7 weeks old.  He was/is a champion eater.  Just so you don't think I'm bragging on him too much, he does have some faults.  He HATES getting his diaper changed.  It turns into a wrestling match on the changing table and I need about three more hands just to hold him in place and change him.  He also has a bit of a temper sometimes, which is just beginning to show, and a tendency to throw food.  He's not perfect, but overall he's pretty great.  Don't worry.  I don't expect you two to be identical.  But if you could just pick a few of his good qualities and then improve on his bad ones, that would be great.  I don't think that's asking too much.

Now this portion is about me.  I've only been a mom for not even 13 months.  I've never had to take care of two babies before.  I'm not sure how I will handle it, but I can assure you I will try my best.  One might think that since I'm barely out of the baby stage with your brother, it will be easier to slip back into it with you.  And this may be true.  It also may be not true.  The first few months with your brother was kind of a blur of diapers and bottles and Google.  I'm not sure I can remember everything I'm supposed to.  Like I said though, I'll try my best.

Lastly, I want you to know that you will be loved.  I had no idea when I had your brother, just how much I would grow to love him.  I used to worry that I wouldn't have enough left for another kid, but I truly believe that my and your father's heart will just expand to be able to hold and give all the love.  Your brother will love you too, once he stops "sharing" his toys with you (i.e. tossing his trucks into your Rock n' Play).


Love,
Mom