no ten month old, you can't do that!

You’re recently mobile and the world has opened up for you.  Everything is bright and shiny and enticing.  I really can’t blame you for it and I love your curiosity about everything.  I love to watch you stand in the middle of the room, completely free of supporting objects, contemplating whether taking a step would result in forward motion or a plop to the ground.  There are just a few things, ten month old, that I need you to realize.

When you take your plastic truck and bop me on the head or knee or foot with it, it actually hurts.  It’s cute, but no, more it just hurts.  No ten month old, you can’t do that!

That ball that rolls on its own and plays cheerful music and makes animal sounds is incredibly heavy and hurling it as far as you can is not good for it or our floors.  Drop it on your foot and you’ll understand.  No ten month old you can’t do that!

Pulling on the mat on the end table is not a good idea because you’ll pull the lamp down on your head.  Trust me that hurts.  Don't ask me how I know. Same goes for the table cloth.  No ten month old, you can’t do that!

I know that kitty tails look custom designed for you to yank on them.  They look so nice swishing back and forth that the obvious thing to do is grab on and lean back like you’re a champion water skier.  However, it hurts the kitty and will likely result in a scratch or bite.  You won’t like that.  No ten month old, you can’t do that!

Stuffing as much food in your mouth at one time may seem like the easiest and fastest way to devour your food.  I know it’s delicious.  Most likely I made it.  But you’re going to choke and/or I’m going to have to dig in your mouth and pull it all out.  You won’t like it.  No ten month old, you can’t do that!

I know it looks like food, but it’s not.  It’s a leaf/grass/fuzz ball/button/stink bug, etc.   Stop putting things in your mouth.  Especially bugs.  That was disgusting.  No ten month old, you can’t do that!

I know the world is a fascinating place and you’re exploring it without a lick of sense as to what can or will harm you.  It’s my job to keep you safe, mostly from yourself.  But if you would just realize these things, it would make life a lot easier for both of us.  What’s that?  When I became your mom, there was a clause in tiny print?  It read, “Life, as you know it, will never be easy again.”  Well.  I guess I should get better at reading contracts.

**Note:  The writing of this post was interrupted numerous times in order for me to stop my ten month old from doing no less than four of the things on this list.  Most recently I rescued him from having his leg somehow wedged under the baby gate.  This post really wrote itself.