I'm having a hard time believing that I am actually pregnant. Aside from the nausea that almost never quits, there is no real indication that there is a human in there. I know that, physically, the first trimester and the third trimester are the most difficult, but emotionally I think, for me, the second (or at least the beginning of the second) will be the most trying.
I found out I was pregnant (surprise!) at about four and a half weeks. I wasn't expecting it and I certainly wasn't expecting it to last very long. I pretty much tried to forget about it (as much as you can when you're throwing up twice a week and nauseous every single day) for the next five weeks or so. Then I got two positive ultrasounds in a row, with heartbeats and everything, and I started to wonder, tentatively, if this was the real deal. I tried to keep it in check, though. It wouldn't do to go around expecting things to be ok. That's just not how this works. For me.
With my half-deadened emotions during most of the first trimester, I made it through almost unscathed. (There was that time I nearly threw up on the cat - she might not have emerged as unscathed as I. That was two days ago.) Then after the NT scan at twelve and a half weeks, I started thinking more positive thoughts, which I'm not sure I was ready for. Now, entering the second trimester, I have weeks(!) before my next ultrasound or even the ability to hear the heartbeat via doppler. How do I know what's going on in there? I can't feel anything. I can't see anything. I can't hear anything (not that you can hear anything, but still). So if a baby grows in your uterus and no one can see it, is it really there?