let's just have lettuce sandwiches

This is just a humorous story that happened the other night.  Eddie calls from work and asks if I wanted tomato sandwiches for dinner.  I reply that I don't like tomato sandwiches, but if you throw some bacon on there, I'm game.  So even though Ed goes right by Food Lion on his way home, I said I would go get the bacon because Teddy was cranky and we needed something to do.  So we head to the Lion and get bread, lettuce, cereal, some random other things and head back home.  It's then I realize I've forgotten the stinking bacon.  So mad!  So I decide that, as it's already 6:20 and Ed will be home soon, I will just wait and then he can stay with Teddy while I run back to the store.  So we wait.  And wait.  And wait.  Finally by 6:50 Ed calls, FROM WORK because his cell phone is at home.  I'm like, "You are NOT just leaving work!!" and he says, "Yeah, well.  I forgot the tomatoes and I had to go back."  I'm fuming because it's just a comedy of errors and I say, "Well you might as well go by Food Lion and get the bacon too, because I forgot it."

breastfeeding may not be for me

I support breastfeeding.  I support breastfeeding mothers.  I support breastfeeding mothers in Target, in Starbucks or out in their car because they like more privacy.  I tried breastfeeding my first child and it didn't go well.  It may have been better if I'd stuck it out, but after nearly a month, neither of us were getting it and it was better for my sanity to switch to formula.  It hurt and I hated, abhorred even, pumping.  I felt like a cow at a milking machine.  Poor cows.

I've debated whether or not to try with my next child.  Maybe it would be easier.  Maybe he'd be a natural and he and I would just get it down, right out of the gate.  Or maybe it would be too much stress on me with a new baby and a small (very small) toddler.  I take medications that may be contraindicated for breastfeeding mothers.  I NEED sleep to function, mentally.  Bottle feeding allows my husband take over some of the night feedings and allows me to sleep longer stretches.  (We had it worked out down to a science with each of us able to get 5-6 hour stretches each night by dividing up the schedule and going to bed at different times).

With formula, I know exactly how much food he is getting.  That was a huge issue for me while trying to breastfeed.  I had no idea how much he was eating - pumping did give me a little more peace of mind, but again - cow.

I have many reasons for not wanting to breastfeed.  I know breast is best for baby.  I also know that by giving formula, I'm feeding my baby, which is the most important thing.

no ten month old, you can't do that!

You’re recently mobile and the world has opened up for you.  Everything is bright and shiny and enticing.  I really can’t blame you for it and I love your curiosity about everything.  I love to watch you stand in the middle of the room, completely free of supporting objects, contemplating whether taking a step would result in forward motion or a plop to the ground.  There are just a few things, ten month old, that I need you to realize.

When you take your plastic truck and bop me on the head or knee or foot with it, it actually hurts.  It’s cute, but no, more it just hurts.  No ten month old, you can’t do that!

That ball that rolls on its own and plays cheerful music and makes animal sounds is incredibly heavy and hurling it as far as you can is not good for it or our floors.  Drop it on your foot and you’ll understand.  No ten month old you can’t do that!

Pulling on the mat on the end table is not a good idea because you’ll pull the lamp down on your head.  Trust me that hurts.  Don't ask me how I know. Same goes for the table cloth.  No ten month old, you can’t do that!

I know that kitty tails look custom designed for you to yank on them.  They look so nice swishing back and forth that the obvious thing to do is grab on and lean back like you’re a champion water skier.  However, it hurts the kitty and will likely result in a scratch or bite.  You won’t like that.  No ten month old, you can’t do that!

Stuffing as much food in your mouth at one time may seem like the easiest and fastest way to devour your food.  I know it’s delicious.  Most likely I made it.  But you’re going to choke and/or I’m going to have to dig in your mouth and pull it all out.  You won’t like it.  No ten month old, you can’t do that!

I know it looks like food, but it’s not.  It’s a leaf/grass/fuzz ball/button/stink bug, etc.   Stop putting things in your mouth.  Especially bugs.  That was disgusting.  No ten month old, you can’t do that!

I know the world is a fascinating place and you’re exploring it without a lick of sense as to what can or will harm you.  It’s my job to keep you safe, mostly from yourself.  But if you would just realize these things, it would make life a lot easier for both of us.  What’s that?  When I became your mom, there was a clause in tiny print?  It read, “Life, as you know it, will never be easy again.”  Well.  I guess I should get better at reading contracts.

**Note:  The writing of this post was interrupted numerous times in order for me to stop my ten month old from doing no less than four of the things on this list.  Most recently I rescued him from having his leg somehow wedged under the baby gate.  This post really wrote itself.